travelswithjude: The Wedding

So it is 5:30 and the village is 45 minutes away. There is some traffic as we head to Tuaran and we arrive there around 6:30. The village is very dark, and remote. There are no street lights and Jasmah is not really sure where the wedding is. We are going to the wedding of one of her first cousin's once removed. Jasmah has about 60 to 70 first cousins on her mother's side. The wedding is at the home of one of these first cousins.

We stop at her mother's house to get directions to the wedding. The house is a very typical village house. The front porch is stone and has a stone fence enclosure as well as a high peaked roof. The fence is there presumably to keep the roaming farm animals off the porch and out of the house. Around the side of the house is the outdoor kitchen. Her mother has a metal gate and two dogs that guard the place. The dogs are thin, mangy and scrappy. She told us that they were wild dogs that showed up at her door one day and had stayed around. They have noise makers that they drag around to warn the chickens when they are coming. Before she came up with this technique they were decimating the chicken population in her area of the village. She opens the gate. The dogs calm down and we approach the house. She holds Jasmah close and strokes her hair lovingly. Jasmah introduces me to Rimah (reema) and she immediately hugs me and gives me what I have learned is a traditional greeting three cheek kisses. She welcomes me into her home and we sit at the table for a bit.

She gives us directions, which consist of "continue up this road and listen for the music." Rimah is a no nonsense lady.

Five minutes of weaving on narrow pavement and we see a line of cars parked on the side of the road, a long line of cars. Then we hear the music. We find a parking space that does not place on the precipice of the drainage ditch. Unfortunately I have to get out of the car onto a dark bit ground two feet from the jungle. I pray for no snakes or weird bugs. We go down into the outside patio and are greeted by the first of many very drunk male cousins. They are so happy to see Jasmah, who is one of the few cousins who moved to the States. She has not seen many of these relations for years and years. The men shake my hand and some of the women hug me immediately. I meet the mother of the bride and congratulate her.

Mother of the bride in left in purple, Bride in blue, me in the center, Grandma of the bride on far right. This is the third cloth change for the wedding party.

The bride's family speaks English. Many of the guests I meet speak English but are to shy to speak to me initially. As so many of the guests, the mother of the bride is very happy and honored that I would come to her daughter's wedding. I am relieved just not be considered a wedding crasher. Jasmah sort of surprised everyone by arriving.

The bride and the father of the bride come to greet us and under Jasmah's tutlage, I present the bride, using two hands, a red Chinese money envelope. She graciously accepts it and then we were offered food. It was a short distance to the buffet which is outside on folding tables next to the outdoor kitchen. Getting to the table took us a while as more and more cousins introduced themselves and greeted Jasmah. Everyone was fascinated by the US in their presence. They were welcoming, lovely and very interested in Trump.

So I need to tell you a little about the wedding traditions of this tribe in Borneo. The groom must sacrifice a water buffalo and it is served at the wedding feast.

This is the Domesticated Water Buffalo. They are raised like cattle and are still used as work animals on the farms.

So I ate water buffalo soup, water buffalo curry, and some other water buffalo dishes, there was also chicken and fish and lots of rice. They are very conscious of water purification and when their is no water purifier they serve bottled water or in this case individual cups of hermetically sealed water. You poke a straw through the cover, like a juice box.

Many of the men drank beer. One of the cousins and the bride's sisters introduce me to the their local tribal hooch, which is the traditional drink at celebrations. One was a rice wine and the other was made from coconut flowers. The coconut flower wine, bahar is quite bitter. The rice wine was nice. I had a lighter colored and less alcoholic version of montoku, which as it ferments develops quite high in alcohol content. The rice wine was actually made by the family for the wedding.

The majority of the women were not drinking spirits, the men were all imbibing as well as many of the younger women, Unlike America, socializing does not go hand in hand with alcohol consumption.

We danced the tribal dance to music played by family members accompanied by groups of karaoke singers.

We drank sweet milky coffee grown on the island and discussed politics.

Because we arrived so late we missed the actual ceremonies, which began in the morning. The first was a Catholic wedding, as the bride's family is Catholic. That was followed by the tribal ceremony. One of the cousin's graciously shared her photos in traditional garb.